In denial...at first

***Entry summary: boring stuff..dont torture urself by reading it, but if u hav nothing else to do, then by all means..give it a go***



Im really glad tht i had the chance of chillaxing with the guys. We discussed alot of stuff, we had dinner, breakfast, and lunch of course, we went sightseeing..we share alot of thoughts n opinion, and some secrets as well..so its kinda like therapeutic, rejuvenating and constructive at the same time. An extraction of all these that i could say now is that, i came to a realization..well not really a 'realization' per say cuz i already realized it a long time ago, its really more to like admittance.

I admit now that i hav to realize the things that i hav already realized 8 months ago but not ready to accept. Im not gonna go into details cuz im still quite the secretive and close person as i was before. The only thing tht i could hope or rely for is that, if god wills it, then things would fall into place. As they say, we could only plan so much..being said that, as a person, i plan the best i could..and i hope its good enuff.

I just hope that its not too late for someone like me (well actually it is kinda late but better late than never aye!) to be able to achieve something that i could only dream of..after hearing soo many success stories, testimonials, heck even seeing it with my very own eyes. I admit that i want it but cant really have it..i need it but its not mine to take..i envy ppl tht have it but dont really treasure it..i'd share it if i have it but its not mine to give.

A lot of people say its easy and that the ones complicating it is urself, but the way i see it..it is complicated..maybe they havent seen it the way that i have. Maybe they view it from different perspectives, maybe they didnt even kno circumstances that applies to me..maybe they dont see the whole effects of ones action..maybe they didnt even account for the possibilities that hold in front of them/me. Having to admit it, i kno i now am taking the next step. Even if its just baby steps..ill be there someday, InsyaAllah.

I dont expect ppl to understand this entry..or me..i just felt like writing it down.

-E-